Nattering Ninja # 20 — Don’t Yell at Me From that Tree

Especially Not Inside the Church House

By J. L. Salter

Suffice it to say that while I was rummaging through some other woman’s belongings, Denise yelled at me from about 30 feet in the tree and told me that HER stuff was in a different pew. It went downhill from there.

I don’t know if this blog has enough space for me to explain, but it concerns each of us taking one grandchild to Church in separate vehicles, having to swap kids and swap vehicles — plus I left my phone in the wrong one… and had to take baby Jenna home with me.

This has been the weekend our church performs its annual community event, the Singing Christmas Tree. A few years back, before her other church schedule prevented her participation in choir, my wife enjoyed singing in/on the tree at Christmas. This true story occurred six years ago, in early December 2011.

I believe this is the one from last year, 2016.

While the choir director is trying to get everybody settled for the procession to (and the first practice in) their eventual positions on the Singing Christmas Tree, I’m rummaging around in the darkened sanctuary, looking for Denise’s purse. Once I finally locate her stuff (with her not-completely-helpful pointing prompts from her perch on the tree), I began rummaging THROUGH her purse. Then she informs me (also from the tree) – in one of those loud ‘theatre whispers’ you can hear a block away – that the key is in her jacket pocket… NOT in her purse I’m scavenging through.

I’m sure the choir director is ready to come over and help me find it… just to get rid of me.

As for the lady whose purse I’d first begun examining — well, I figure I can outrun her… considering I’d have a head-start and she’d have to climb over 27 other people AND descend the narrow, steep steps (along the side of the tree).

[Later, the pianist told me, “I was wondering what you were doing last night in that dark sanctuary. I thought maybe you had a surprise part!”]

–  –  –  –

If that’s not bad enough, once I get to the nursery to take Jenna, the workers eye me suspiciously. Probably because I can’t figure out the exotic harness on her ‘carrier’. One of them even asks me, “Have you ever done this before?” At that point, I’m even sure one way or the other. So we finally clear the nursery and I need Jacob’s help getting the carrier anchored into the device which holds it to the car’s seating.
Whew. On our way… through two Drive-Thru’s for two different suppers. Word to the wise: the local BK does not staff that first window, so don’t sit there for five minutes waiting to pay your money.

Usually I won’t even do ONE drive-thru. But Jenna was already asleep and I didn’t want to do ANYthing to wake her… though that plan was busted when we got to the house and five loud dogs came out to greet us.



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