The Nattering Ninja # 10 — The Dog is Eating WHAT?

Need to Re-Examine those Marriage Vows

By J. L. Salter

Was awakened at 6:40 one morning by Bojangles skittering around the house whimpering. The dog does this when he has something in his mouth that’s too large to swallow, but he can’t bring himself to put it down.
So my wife jumps out of bed and tries to figure out if Bo has found another chicken egg. I try to go back to sleep.

This is not Bojangles, however. All my pix of Bo were too large for this blog’s parameters.

Then Denise starts hollering, “Jeff, come get this out of Bo’s mouth.”
I’m thinking, “Why don’t YOU get it out?”
Or maybe I actually said that out loud. Don’t remember.
She: “It’s something DEAD!”
Oh, okay, that was the fine print in our marriage vows… that I have to handle all the dead animals.
So I jump out of bed. Well, my “jump” is more of an agonized crawl.
“Well,” I groan, “at least hold Bo still so I can grab it.” Whatever it is.
She can’t corral the dog but she does produce a paper towel.
[Thanks a bunch.]
So I finally pry open Bo’s jaws and out tumbles a soggy mass of something furry & dead.
“What is it?” asks Denise urgently.
“Something furry & dead,” I reply.
“Yeah, but WHAT?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have my glasses on. If you want the species name, then YOU drag it out of his mouth!”
[She obviously doesn’t like my tone…] “Well, be careful not to step in the…”
     !!! SPLATT !!!
“… body organs on the kitchen floor,” she tells me, one milli-second too late.
Never a dull moment, folks.

[This particular “moment” was from May 31, 2015]

5 thoughts on “The Nattering Ninja # 10 — The Dog is Eating WHAT?”

  1. Several have asked me what type of dead & furry critter this was. Well, I didn’t have my glasses on (which meant my left eye just saw a blur). And during the month of May, my allergies have caused my right eye to get all goopy during the night, so that made a blur on the other side. It had fur and was already dead. That’s all I know.

    1. It doesn’t matter what it WAS. Thank Heaven, it was dead. Take consolation in that. Nothing would be worse than not-yet-dead.
      He brought a present to Mom and Dad!

  2. I totally agree with the clause specifying that handling of dead animals goes to the husband. And I’m not sure I’d want to know what it was either, except that I’d want to know how to prevent them from coming in again. If Bojangles caught the critter outside and brought it in, I think I’d banish him from coming in. But then, we don’t have exciting events like this at our house.

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