Need to Re-Examine those Marriage Vows
By J. L. Salter
Was awakened at 6:40 one morning by Bojangles skittering around the house whimpering. The dog does this when he has something in his mouth that’s too large to swallow, but he can’t bring himself to put it down.
So my wife jumps out of bed and tries to figure out if Bo has found another chicken egg. I try to go back to sleep.
Then Denise starts hollering, “Jeff, come get this out of Bo’s mouth.”
I’m thinking, “Why don’t YOU get it out?”
Or maybe I actually said that out loud. Don’t remember.
She: “It’s something DEAD!”
Oh, okay, that was the fine print in our marriage vows… that I have to handle all the dead animals.
So I jump out of bed. Well, my “jump” is more of an agonized crawl.
“Well,” I groan, “at least hold Bo still so I can grab it.” Whatever it is.
She can’t corral the dog but she does produce a paper towel.
[Thanks a bunch.]
So I finally pry open Bo’s jaws and out tumbles a soggy mass of something furry & dead.
“What is it?” asks Denise urgently.
“Something furry & dead,” I reply.
“Yeah, but WHAT?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have my glasses on. If you want the species name, then YOU drag it out of his mouth!”
[She obviously doesn’t like my tone…] “Well, be careful not to step in the…”
!!! SPLATT !!!
“… body organs on the kitchen floor,” she tells me, one milli-second too late.
Never a dull moment, folks.
[This particular “moment” was from May 31, 2015]