Well, Sometimes Even a Map Won’t Help
By J. L. Salter
You know how guys usually get a hard time (from gals) … with the allegation that we don’t … or won’t … or can’t … follow directions?
Well, listen to THESE (actual) directions I received one morning [mid-May, 2014] from a person who shall remain nameless.
[For this to make any sense you should know that I’m always on the lookout for an Army Surplus store.]
She: “There’s an Army Surplus store on the way to Lexington.”
Me: “Cool. Where?”
She: “On the right… just after an intersection.”
[I’m calculating there are about a thousand intersections of Hwy 27, between Somerset and Lexington.]
Me: “Okay. Which intersection?”
She: “Don’t remember, but it’s closer to Lexington than to here.”
[I’m figuring that eliminated only about 500 of the 1000 intersections…]
Me: “Uh, do you remember the name of the establishment?”
She: “No, but it’s off the road a bit, behind an old building.”
[I’m figuring there’s an old building at 450 of the remaining 500 intersections…]
Me: “Well, that sounds a little vague.”
[At this point she suggests I leave an hour early… and proceeds to draw a map. The map shows Hwy 27 and a line intersecting it. In the NE corner is a tiny square representing the old building and a larger square representing the Army Surplus store.]
Me: “So you figure this will lead me to that store?”
[She shrugs. Evidently she thought it sufficient for HER to find it again.]
– – –
So, I went to Lexington, visited my friend in the hospital, and returned home safely. Couldn’t find that wavy horizontal line on the map on the way north to Lexington, but I counted 997 streets interesting Highway 27 along that stretch. Some 439 of them had old buildings partly obscuring something I couldn’t identify from the main road.
Amazingly … on the way back home that evening, I think I actually spotted it — no thanks to these directions.
I think it’s about 64 miles from our house, shortly after Elizabeth Road, past the Toyota dealership, and slightly before a golf course on the left. The next street to the east is Turkey Curve.
Now, you folks tell me — what’s the point in a guy asking for directions?