The Nattering Ninja # 9 — Need Directions?

Well, Sometimes Even a Map Won’t Help

By J. L. Salter

You know how guys usually get a hard time (from gals) … with the allegation that we don’t … or won’t … or can’t … follow directions?
Well, listen to THESE (actual) directions I received one morning [mid-May, 2014] from a person who shall remain nameless.
[For this to make any sense you should know that I’m always on the lookout for an Army Surplus store.]

She: “There’s an Army Surplus store on the way to Lexington.”
Me: “Cool. Where?”
She: “On the right… just after an intersection.”
[I’m calculating there are about a thousand intersections of Hwy 27, between Somerset and Lexington.]
Me: “Okay. Which intersection?”
She: “Don’t remember, but it’s closer to Lexington than to here.”
[I’m figuring that eliminated only about 500 of the 1000 intersections…]
Me: “Uh, do you remember the name of the establishment?”
She: “No, but it’s off the road a bit, behind an old building.”
[I’m figuring there’s an old building at 450 of the remaining 500 intersections…]
Me: “Well, that sounds a little vague.”
[At this point she suggests I leave an hour early… and proceeds to draw a map. The map shows Hwy 27 and a line intersecting it. In the NE corner is a tiny square representing the old building and a larger square representing the Army Surplus store.]
Me: “So you figure this will lead me to that store?”
[She shrugs. Evidently she thought it sufficient for HER to find it again.]

– – –

So, I went to Lexington, visited my friend in the hospital, and returned home safely. Couldn’t find that wavy horizontal line on the map on the way north to Lexington, but I counted 997 streets interesting Highway 27 along that stretch. Some 439 of them had old buildings partly obscuring something I couldn’t identify from the main road.

Amazingly … on the way back home that evening, I think I actually spotted it — no thanks to these directions.
I think it’s about 64 miles from our house, shortly after Elizabeth Road, past the Toyota dealership, and slightly before a golf course on the left. The next street to the east is Turkey Curve.

Now, you folks tell me — what’s the point in a guy asking for directions?


4 thoughts on “The Nattering Ninja # 9 — Need Directions?”

  1. It has a big sign on a truck parked on the side of the road in front of the old building. You can’t miss it!

  2. Maybe you should have invited the “nameless person” to go with you, stop for a nice lunch, go dancing, shop together, and then you wouldn’t need directions. I’m just sayin’… 🙂

    1. LOL — indeed, that may have happened. However, the reason I went alone to visit at the hospital that day is because she had a local obligation she couldn’t get out of.

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